8.19.2014

Embracing my only child {Being content after infertility}

I never in a million years thought I'd be writing this post. I'm the mom to an only child and I love every minute of it! In fact, if I never have another baby, that's okay with me. I never wanted just one. I never thought even two was enough. I wanted four.

Only children are spoiled. Only children are selfish. They need siblings. They need someone to play with. It's lonely when you're an only child. These are all misconceptions I had. And then, I couldn't have a second child. When you can't have a second child, you forget about having numbers three and four. For a while I thought just one more. That's all need. I'll settle. Two children instead of four. If I can just have two I'll be happy. But time passed. I didn't get my second child, I only had my one miracle. And you know what? Life is perfect.

My one and only just turned three. He's amazing. He's smart and imaginative. He's loving and fun. He's everything I ever hoped for. He's a quiet introvert that likes to play by himself and he fits perfectly into our family. We live a quiet, mostly organized and structured life. We like routines and bed times. We like to spend time at home. We like to spend time together, but all three of us can appreciate the chance to be alone. To check out mentally.

I don't like chaos and with just one, I feel like I can control that. I do have my concerns. I'm incredibly close to my brother. We weren't always that way growing up, but now that we're adults I love that connection. What will my son have when we're older or no longer around? That worries me a bit. But I try so hard not to focus on the future and things that are out of my hands. I've done enough of that already.

I hate that I spent so much energy and money trying for another baby last year, but it's okay. I was in a different place at the time. And if God wants to bless us with one, two, or even three more, I'm ready for that too. We'll make it work for our family. But for now, I'm content. I'm happy with the life we live and I'm thankful that God is in control and knows what he's doing.


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