8.19.2014

Embracing my only child {Being content after infertility}

I never in a million years thought I'd be writing this post. I'm the mom to an only child and I love every minute of it! In fact, if I never have another baby, that's okay with me. I never wanted just one. I never thought even two was enough. I wanted four.

Only children are spoiled. Only children are selfish. They need siblings. They need someone to play with. It's lonely when you're an only child. These are all misconceptions I had. And then, I couldn't have a second child. When you can't have a second child, you forget about having numbers three and four. For a while I thought just one more. That's all need. I'll settle. Two children instead of four. If I can just have two I'll be happy. But time passed. I didn't get my second child, I only had my one miracle. And you know what? Life is perfect.

My one and only just turned three. He's amazing. He's smart and imaginative. He's loving and fun. He's everything I ever hoped for. He's a quiet introvert that likes to play by himself and he fits perfectly into our family. We live a quiet, mostly organized and structured life. We like routines and bed times. We like to spend time at home. We like to spend time together, but all three of us can appreciate the chance to be alone. To check out mentally.

I don't like chaos and with just one, I feel like I can control that. I do have my concerns. I'm incredibly close to my brother. We weren't always that way growing up, but now that we're adults I love that connection. What will my son have when we're older or no longer around? That worries me a bit. But I try so hard not to focus on the future and things that are out of my hands. I've done enough of that already.

I hate that I spent so much energy and money trying for another baby last year, but it's okay. I was in a different place at the time. And if God wants to bless us with one, two, or even three more, I'm ready for that too. We'll make it work for our family. But for now, I'm content. I'm happy with the life we live and I'm thankful that God is in control and knows what he's doing.


7 comments:

  1. Thank you for this, it was exactly what I needed today. It took nearly ten years to have my son. Now my husband says he doesn't want to go through trying again. I wanted my own baseball team; so I am having trouble accepting the possibility of only having one. This post really helped me move toward having peace with my circumstances.

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    1. Misty, it is a process and a struggle. Within an hour of writing this post I was "punched in the gut" with a pregnancy announcement. And then a few hours later, another one. I truly meant what I said in this post and I've definitely come a long way in my emotions and reactions, but I don't know that I'll ever be over it. Feel free to email me anytime if you need someone to talk to. Hugs mama!

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  2. Your candidness about this struggle is so refreshing and you've given a voice to so many who sit in silence afraid of being judged. You're a blessing to us, Jenny!

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  3. I, too, wanted three children (after the joy of having my son). And I, too, have been unable to have another. You are not alone :)

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  4. Jenny, it does me good to read this since our family experience has been totally the opposite. No matter what God has in store for a family (1 child, many children....or no children) we have to trust He knows what is best. After all, He's a good and loving Father! Thanks for being so honest, and for keeping the faith despite the burden you have carried. Saying a prayer for you today.

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  5. I am always encouraged to read stories like yours. We are in exactly the same boat. We are praying for another child and our son is three. And I have come to be content with our little family in the last several months. I had to find things to enjoy and keep my mind off my infertility. For me it has been completely changing the way we eat (We now eat all whole/real and natural foods. No refined sugar or preservatives.), which I have thoroughly enjoyed because I love trying new foods and we feel so good and healthy! Also, we are taking advantage of the ease of travel with only one child and going as many places and doing as many things as possible. I've come to realize that this season of life is a gift and I am really enjoying it!

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